I get knocked down
by Kajos
Summary: Sequel to school of hard knocks following on from unhappy ending. Arthur and Merlin live together but a certain past character turns up to take Merlin and make all their lives hell including their kid. ArthurXMerlin. Rape. You have been warned
1. Prologue

**Kajos: Welcome! This is the sequel to School of hard nocks, following on to the alternative ending. I will though write it so you need not read the first to follow this. IF you have read the first though I'll try to keep it interesting for you at the same time. No idea how long it will be or what's going to happen. This whole thing seems to have taken on a life of it's own. I'm just chronicling the events at this point. Feel free if you wish to stick with the happy ending to the first and forget this one. Personally, I think this could get nasty just to warn you. So you can't blame me if it's gruesome almost defiantly some rape and slash. Right quick disclaimer: don't own Arthur, don't own Merlin, just own jasper and Benny and this plotline. Enjoy review and no more of this waffle.**

Arthur came in and laughed. Merlin was sat on the floor starring at the toddler in floor as he held a slimy mass in one hand and aimed for his lover who though already covered was dreading the next strike. Arthur dived knocking Merlin out the way and taking the hit. Everyone laughed. Arthur lying atop Merlin grabbed Benny pulling him in to a family hug lying there till no one wanted to move.

"Lord, what's that smell?" Arthur said looking down.

"Don't look at me!" Merlin said pointing to Benny. "Talk to captain poop over there."

"Brilliant I came home just in time didn't I?" Arthur stood with Benny carrying him to the nursery. Merlin started cleaning the room. "Merlin! We're going to need more wipes the next time your down the shops."

"It's on the mental list." Merlin called back.

"All clean."

"How was your day?"

"Good, good, dad demeaned me in front of the entire board. I came up with a solution to a problem that's been plaguing him for years and pointed out another fault, All in all a great day."

The next day started early as the curtains in Benny's room weren't pulled properly and he woke with the sun. Two hours later Arthur was trying to calm him down while Merlin got dressed.

"Merlin, can you just take Benny? I need to get going." Merlin watched from the doorway chewing his lip. Something felt wrong.

"Sorry, of course pass him here." Merlin took the boy and Arthur did his tie up before giving Merlin a peck on the check and heading for the door.

"Arthur," Merlin stopped as the other man looked back at him to see what he had to say. _Stay with me today, something's not right, I'm scared. _"Have a good day." Arthur's face lit up in a radiant smile.

"For you? Always." The door closed and Merlin sidled to the phone.

"Hey, mum could you come over?" His mother was concerned about getting the housework done. "Yeah, after lunch will be fine. Thanks." He put the phone down and breathed easier. The morning carried on and Merlin was making lunch when there was a nock at the door. He scooped up Benny and went to answer it.

"Well how about this. Two things that belong to me." No, it couldn't be. He was locked up. This couldn't happen. It must be a nightmare, a bad dream. So why wasn't he waking up. Benny was crying, Merlin was frozen and there was a wicked grin on Jasper's face as he stepped inside the door.

"No, you're in prison. You're in prison!"

"Unfortunately for you, youth the attempted murder fell down and all I ended up with was rape and I got that sentence cut down with a guilty plea. No one ever told you though did they? They've been appealing to try and keep me in for longer since the day I was sentenced, failed of course and now here I am."

"No, no, NO! You don't own me. Get out of this apartment before I call the police."

"You were rather good at that. Half dead and you still called the god damn police." He punched him in the stomach. Benny began to wail. "And the kid, of course, how is my son?"

"You're lying."

"Did you see the mothers profession? Prison guard I believe. Not quiet as good as you but it certainly seems worth it now. My two favourite toys in one place. Just waiting for me." The front door closed and the latch clicked louder than ever before.

"What are you going to do? I won't stay silent this time. I'll tell people. Arthur will be back later and my mothers going to be here soon. I'm not a helpless child any more Jasper. You kept me as our pet, but now I'm a man, and I can fight you."

"Really? Well it's a good thing I came prepared." Jasper pulled something out and shot at Merlin. Too stunned to react Merlin watched the barbed hooks fly at him and hook in to his skin. The charge ripped through him. He focused trying to keep hold of Benny as he collapsed to his knees then he let him go. And fell. Benny stood horrified and wailing.

"Shut it." Jasper sneered. He lifted Merlin in a fireman's lift and turned to leave. Benny wailed even louder. Merlin was barely conscious.

"No, no…" Jasper looked back at the child. He dropped Merlin shot him again so he passed out. Then he looked around finding Benny's reins. He grabbed the boy and forced them on to him before picking up Merlin and leaving with them both. He had a van parked outside.


	2. leaving

Arthur felt guilty as he sat at the desk waiting for lunch. He had been wrong this morning. He shouldn't have left. Merlin was obviously worried about something and he had just had a go at him about holding Benny and left. He decided then and there to go home early, that would make it up. He could go home and apologise and ask what was wrong.

The door was unlocked as he expected but as he opened the door there was no one I sight and the food cooking was burning and had been for a while. Arthur turned the oven off and looked around at the flat.

"Merlin, Benny!" He shouted trying to locate them in one of the other rooms with a call. Instead of the normal squeal of joy from his son and a cheer from Merlin that he was back he met silence. "Must be asleep" he murmured. But they weren't in bed. They weren't in the flat. It was empty. Arthur started to worry but shook it off and picked up the phone dialling Merlin's mobile. It rang somewhere amongst the cooking stuff in the kitchen. He ran Merlin's mother. He could have gone to see her in a hurry and left food on. She picked up.

"Merlin, I'm just heading out the door to come round."

"Ms Emrys? Did Merlin say he was going out?"

"Arthur? How many times, call me mum, you might as well. You and my boy are as close to married as those idiots in government will let you be. No he didn't he asked me to come round in fact."

"Okay, don't worry about it I came home early. I'll talk to you later. Bye Mum."

"That's better. Bye dear." Merlin was missing and with him Benny.

"Why am I so worried? He's probably gone to the shop or something."

The van had been going for a while and Merlin hadn't a clue as to where they were. He had pulled himself up to sit in one corner with Benny huddled in his arms sharing comfort with the scared boy.

"Shhh…don't worry, daddy will help us. He'll know where to look and he'll get gramps to help him. You'll see it'll be fine…"He murmured to himself as much as his son. Benny though had gone to sleep, the back of the van was dark and bumpy but he was safe in his father's arms and had no reason to be scared. He was still just a child and everyone was nice as far as he was concerned.

Eventually the van stopped and the back opened. Benny squealed as the light flooded in hurting his eyes and waking him. "Leave him alone. He's a child. Please give him back to Arthur."

"What like I gave him you? No, I think not." Merlin shrugged and held his son closer. "Get out." He had an actual gun out now. Merlin did as told and looked up at the house almost grand enough to one of Arthur's father's country estates. "Kneel." He did so and a bag was thrown over his head. And the drawstrings tightened. "So long as you carry him and do nothing else you can keep your hands. Merlin Nodded trying to ignore the musty smell while Benny patted the bag confused as to where his daddy's head had gone

"Don't worry, I'm just playing peek-a-boo." Benny giggled as Merlin used the bag to ruffle his hair.

"None of that please."

"Jasper, you can try to do what you like to me but you will not tell me how to deal with my son."

"Don't you mean my son?" Jasper said evilly Merlin stopped walking.

"No. I don't care if it was your sperm that produced him. Benny is mine and Arthur's son."

"Well you may hold your own opinion. For now anyway." Jasper pulled him on through a maze till he didn't know where he was in the unfamiliar house at all. Finally he pushed him forward and closed a door behind them. Merlin stood tall determined he was not going to fear the git now, he wasn't a boy anymore, uncertain and terrified, he was a man who knew that justice could put a stop to this, who knew he could say no and who knew that there were people whiling to die to save him. He just hoped it wouldn't come to that again. Jasper yanked the bag of his head taking some hair with it. Benny complained at this rough handling of his father. "You will be quiet." Jasper said addressing the much smaller human. Merlin looked around. It was a cupboard or might as well have been there was saw dust, yes saw dust not even a bucket in the corner and bowl of food and water against the wall. "This will be your home until your house trained. I hope you enjoy it." He left locking the door behind it. Even in the summer the place was freezing. Merlin put Benny down and he toddled about the small space before going to the door and looking back at Merlin.

"T" he said. Merlin familiar with his own toddler language shook his head.

"Sorry Benny, but we can't go out, it's locked."

"T" Benny said more assertively. Merlin just shook his head and Benny began to cry. Merlin picked him up again and carried him to the wall opposite the door where he sat down and held Benny.

"Don't worry, Arthur will know what to do."

Arthur didn't have a clue what to do. It had been hours since his worrying return home and he had heard nothing form Merlin. A ring around there friends had made sure he was not with any of them but left him seriously concerned particularly when all of Benny's stuff was still at the flat and Merlin obviously had taken Benny with him. He couldn't think of a reason for any one to take Merlin and there were no signs of a struggle that he could see. The toys were scattered everywhere but they always were. When he had rang Dave all he had to say was 'wait for the phone, remember who you and your father are and don't worry, he'll pay anything to get his grandson back if it comes to that.' The words had been in jest but Arthur was starting to wonder.


	3. sleeping

Twenty-four hours…

A whole day…

They could be dead…

Arthur sat in his kitchen staring at the apartment he hadn't moved anything. He couldn't move it, it was them. The scattered toys were Benny's in his own unique organised mess. The disaster of the table covered in paper work and computer parts. It was Merlin's, normally he would have tidied the place but he just couldn't. They were gone. Fuck the police's twenty-four hours; Merlin wouldn't do this to him. Even if he were to leave with Benny without taking any of Benny's things he would leave a note or take his phone or would have by now found some way to reach him and tell him what was up. He was nowhere. He wasn't with any of their friends. Arthur was supposed to be the strong one but he was lost with out Merlin. Merlin had been there for so long. They had never spent more than a week away from each other since the trial and even then they had been texting and phoning and emailing each other constantly.

Slowly despair consumed him and his head dropped to his hands as the tears began to flow. He still hadn't changed his clothes it was another twelve hours before he could report his missing.

Merlin was jerked awake by the light streaming through the door. Benny wailed at the abrupt awakening. Merlin held him close and tried to quiet him. Jasper stood in the doorway.

"Put him down." Jasper sneered at him huddled in the corner in his filthy cloths with his son.

"He's a child, he's distraught and terrified. He needs me, he needs a hug." He made no move to put him down.

"You don't get it. You put him down and do as I say or I take him from you and I hurt him." Jasper said jealousy of the child twisting his features.

"You're a sick bastard. You said I yourself he's your flesh and blood, barley more than a baby and your threatening him?"

"It's not a threat it's a promise."

"The worst part is I believe you'd do it. You never did give a damn about innocence." He slowly pried the child from him and stood. Benny though had other idea and clung to his leg staring with wide teary eyes and snotty nose at the large intruder who his daddy clearly disliked.

"Oh, I care about innocence. I like to nurture it, it makes the whole thing more pleasurable in the end. Now You will send him out the door where he will be met by one of my men."

"Benny, there's someone who wants to meet you outside. Look the doors open, you go."

"Nah, dudu T" Merlin smiled.

"Daddy will come in a minute. I need to talk to this man first. It's like when me and daddy need daddy time sometimes."

"No dudu, nah dudu tm."

"How on earth do you understand those nonsensical rambles."

"He just told me it couldn't be daddy time because daddy's not here."

"About that does not the two daddy thing get confusing? Not really if he needs to distinguish between us he makes himself clear."

"Still get rid of the brat."

"He'll go if I walk him out and then come back."

"Fine." Merlin took him and walked out the door. The man who waited was no nanny, he looked more like a bouncer. But despite his lack of emotion shown he took Benny and held him like a pro and walked away as Jasper ordered him to return to the room and Benny screamed for his dudu. "Now that we have the place to ourselves, strip." Merlin refused to give him the pleasure of a reply. Instead he just did at told removing all cloths accept his boxers. "You can get rid of those too." He pulled a thong fro his pocket. "This is for you." Merlin faced the wall as he swapped the two garments.

"There now I look like your whore, happy."

"No. First I just need to sort one last thing." He stepped out the room returning with a length of chain and some other bits and pieces. He used a padlock to attach one end to the wall. One the other end it was already attached to a collar. "Come here please." Jasper said. Merlin approached and stood tall as Jasper attached the collar and used a second padlock to attach it to his neck. The whole thing weighed a tonne. Merlin stared blankly at the wall as he did so. "Now you look like my dog, just as you should." He whispered in Merlin's ear. "I'll see you soon. Enjoy your new adornments." He left sweeping up his old clothes. The room was freezing and in just the thong and collar Merlin shivered and returned to the corner where he curled up and hoped his body would heat up the floor enough for it to be bearable with time. At least until Arthur found him…

Twenty four hours…

Arthur Finally stood and walked through to the bedroom undressing and slipping between the sheets still crying. He lay in the dark unable to sleep in the cold empty bed. Ten years now he had slept curled around Merlin Nothing replaced his soft breathing, the creamy smell of his hair, the warmth, the feeling of his hair on his neck. The safety of Merlin's hand on his hip. Things they never thought of were painfully obvious. That and the quiet. No crying. No sudden calls for dudu. The light in the apartment was out of once instead of having to act as nightlight as it had for the past years. It was wrong; he would give anything to wake and this to be a bad dream.


	4. searching

Six months…

A national hunt…

Four million pounds of Uther's money…

Three hired investigators and several hundred cold nights later.

Arthur was slumped looking at the flat through bleary blood shot eyes. It was the only way he ever looked at it now. The worst thing was he knew where he was. Jasper had him. The way he had turned aside the police. That look, he knew where he was. He hadn't sneered at Arthur even a little.

"_Of course officers, have a look around. I haven't gone near those two though since my release. Court order of course. I learnt how it felt to be a victim over the last few years in Prison. I really wish I could go back and do it all differently."_

He was there and Jasper was doing God knows what with him and Benny. He took another swig at his gin. There was a knock on the door. Arthur was oblivious starring at the room remembering that night. The knock again.

"Arthur!" The door opened. "Arthur, this does you no good." Dave walked forward and slipped the glass out his hand pouring the rest own the drain. "Arthur, drinking is not going to bring back Merlin. We will find him."

"You've been saying that for six months. Six months, one week, two days and four hours." Dave shook his head and hoisted the young man up dragging him to his bed and tucking him in beneath the covers.

He sat back on the couch and pulled a book out his coat pocket. He was right though wasn't he? Six months and they had zero leads on where he was. He was probably dead him and Benny. Of course the public were all just looking for Benny, no one cares about the man just the child. It was looking ever more hopeless, Merlin's Ma was going crazy pushing on the search while Arthur just seemed to sink deeper in to the bottle.

The phone rang…for some reason Dave hesitated. Then he shook his head and picked it up.

"Hello, Emrys-Pendragon House."

"Yes, this is the police, is that Arthur Emrys-Pendragon?"

"No, he's conked out for the night. Can I take a message?"

"Yes, we have a new lead. Earlier tonight Jasper Nimwueh, was killed in a car crash. We have no inheritor but after ecstasy was found in his car we have a warrant to search his house as much as we like."

"Thank you! Thank you so much, I'll go tell him straight away. He'll be pleased to know."

"My pleasure." Dave put the phone down and shot to his feet in to the bedroom. He shook Arthur.

"Wah!"

"Arthur, sober up quickly you'll want to here this." Arthur just groaned and turned over. "They have a lead Arthur!"

"What?"

"Jasper died last night they found ecstasy in the car. They have a search warrant."

"They already looked."

"Now that he's gone they can search as long as they like."

It was raining as the police broke down the door. They stood and watched. There were only four of them and the place was huge apparently too many people made it harder to spot things, ruined evidence and such. Arthur didn't care he was just praying they'd find something. It seemed forever before two police ran from one side of the building to the other, past the open front door. Then later still one emerged through the door slowly carrying a child on his hip. Arthur's heart leaped to his throat as he recognised Benny and he charged forward ignoring Dave's attempts to restrain him.

"Benny!" The small boy looked up. "Daddy's here!" Arthur pulled his from the policeman's arms and hugged him tight. Looking round to the door searching for Merlin.

"Daddy said you would come." Benny murmured in his ear.

"Where is Daddy Benny? Where is he?"

"In his room." He looked up at the police.

"Have you found him?"

"No, sir, we're continuing to look but we found him" He nods to Benny, "in what appears to be a nursery, a small out of the way room but not uncomfortable, in fact I wish I could afford to give my kids a room like that. If you wouldn't mind, the boy needs to be questioned."

"He's a child." He said aggressively.

"He may know where his father is and we need to be sure that any information he gives us is not influenced. His age makes that even more important." Arthur could barley let go. After all that waiting, he had his son back and he had to give him up so soon.

"Now, Benny, just now you mentioned you Daddy, what does he look like?"

"Daddy has Black hair, he's really tall and normally he looks clumsy because he always has bruises and cuts from falling over." That matched the picture, over than the bruises, he had of Merlin Emrys-Pendragon.

"Okay, and could you tell us where your daddy is?"

"In his room."

"Where is his room?"

"I'm not allowed to tell people where daddy's room is."

"Who said that?"

"Daddy and Jasper. Jasper doesn't want other people going to see daddy. He doesn't let me see Daddy either except when I'm really really good."

"Well, could you show me where your Daddy's room is?"

"Jasper never said I couldn't show people where it was."

"Good."

"Can Daddy come with us?"

"Your other Daddy?"

"Yes."

"I think so."

They emerged again and Arthur resisted the impulse to grab Benny again.

"Benny here has been very helpful. He's told me all about his Daddy and Jasper and he's agreed to be my little helper and show me where his daddy is, as long as his other daddy can come with him." Arthur's face lit up and hope shone in his eyes. He took Benny's other hand and he and the policeman swung him as they walked back round to the door of the house.

**Please read and review. **


	5. finding

The house was luxurious but then Jasper like Arthur had money. Benny led them through the massive place to a small guest bedroom. He pulled his hands free and went and sat on the bed.

"Benny, there is no one here."

"That's cause daddy's hiding, Jasper had to open the door."

"How did he do that?"

"He pushed a bit of the wall over there." He pointed to a blank wall, which like the rest of the room had a carved skirting board. The PC knelt down and wearing gloves carefully pushed at it till he hit a leaf that gave under his fingers. There was a pop and the wall didn't swing open all the way but came apart just far enough for a person to grip the edge with their fingers and pull. With it though came sound. There was screaming, roaring, banging and rattling. It sounded like there was a wild animal behind the door. "Uh oh. Daddy's having a bad day. We have to leave." Benny jumped down from the bed and started to walk to the door.

"Wait Benny, you're telling us that's your daddy?"

"Yep, sometimes Daddy has bad days, then I'm not allowed to see him for ages because he hurts himself and Jasper gets mad." Arthur's heart crumbled in on it's self knowing that his Merlin had been turned in to that. The quite man who never got angry was now an all mighty beast. Benny walked out and Arthur followed him leaving him with one of PC's while he went back. The door was open and the sound had dissipated in to strangle senseless yells and sobbing. Behind the door there was a small cupboard. But in the floor if you looked carefully you could see the lines where a panel could be removed. The PC lifted it and placed it to one side underneath there was a ladder leading to a small corridor. The policeman went first and Arthur followed. The corridor was lined with cell doors; they were all the same tiny concrete rooms with ugly metal rings in the walls. The stench was awful but the sounds were worse. Whimpering, quite and yet in the silence so powerful Arthur's eyes began to water. All the doors were open accept one. They made for it. There was a small window in the top of the door. The room was dark, the walls and floor streaked with filth and in one corner the source of al the noise.

"Merlin!"

"No, please, don't" the figure chocked out, "not again, please." Arthur was confused. The PC motioned he move back and pulled the bolt on the door to open it. Once the door was open police or not Arthur rushed forward to his lover and fell to his knees.

"Merlin, it's me. We found you, thank god we found you."

"You bastard! Have you no mercy! Is nothing sacred to you?" Merlin screamed at him not looking around before returning to sobbing in to his arms. Arthur was shocked and reached out to touch his face only for him to flinch away. _He thinks I'm Jasper_. He remembered Jasper's impersonations at school; he had been brilliant at them. He moved around and sat cross-legged before lifting Merlin's head in to his lap. At first the younger man tried to pull away but Arthur just stroked his hair and slowly he fell asleep. As he rested peacefully Arthur examined his neck it was red and sore and bleeding in places. There was a solid collar on it that chained him to the wall. The PC stood looking about himself in horror.

"Go, find something to get this off him." The PC just nodded and left. Once he was gone Arthur burst in to tears letting them well up and take his over till he was shaking. He pulled himself together just in time for the return of the policeman with bolt cutters and two other PC's; Benny was still upstairs though. Merlin was sleeping so soundly, Arthur realised he hadn't fallen asleep so much as passed out. He tipped his head to one side so the pad lock on the collar was exposed and they removed it. Was Arthur gently tried to remove the collar skin came with it, scabs and blisters were damaged and the full extent of the damage was exposed to the torch light. Luckily none of it appeared infected which was a miracle considering the surroundings.

* * *

An ambulance had been called and Arthur had carried Merlin out side where he sat with him on his lap. Dave had gone and taken Benny back to the flat, he had agreed to phone people and tell them what was going on. When the Ambulance arrived Arthur stayed with Merlin, riding in the back with him while a paramedic looked over the worst of his wounds.

The room warm and he was lying on something soft, on his back. There was a light on the ceiling not quite above him He wasn't in annoy, that was the first thing to notice. He neck felt lighter and cooler, but he couldn't move his arms, they seemed to be tied down.

"Merlin? Are you awake Merlin?" That voice sent nasty shivers down his spine with memory.

"_Merlin? You know I love you don't you?" Sharp pain as it penetrated and he screamed. "Did that hurt? I'm so sorry, I'll never hurt you again." It twisted inside him bringing a guttural cry of agony._

He opened his eyes, but it wasn't him. It was Arthur, the real Arthur with soft concerned eyes and a hand stroking his hair.

"Arthur?"

"Yeah," He said struggling not to cry with joy, "Jasper was killed in a car crash, they found drugs in his car and were able to search the house properly. They found Benny, and he told us where you were."

"He…he's dead."

"Yes, it's over, Merlin, don't you see he can't come back."

"Dead. In a car crash." It seemed so unreal, such and anti-climax to everything, he was just gone. Like that, it was over, there would be no court case, no witness statement to give. He was dead. Case closed; there could be no retribution. HE didn't even really want to see him suffer, but for it to just be over seemed so abstract, after everything that had happened it had ended with him in a car crash.


	6. talking

The room was warm and stank in that old person and disinfectant way that all hospitals seem to. The lights were just to bright as he tried to crack open his eyes, he could wiggle his fingers but not much else. He tried to speak but found he could do nothing more than croak.

Arthur shot upright at the sound. Leaning over to look at his former lover. He was far more hesitant than he had once been due to Merlin's first reaction.

"Merlin? Can you hear me?" The mouth opened and croaked again. He picked up a cup of water from the bedside and put the straw to his mouth. "Here you go. Is that better?" There was the tiniest of nods. Arthur sighed in relief. Slowly Merlin opened his eyes and looked at him. He smiled for him. Merlin drank more water.

"Benny?" He managed to articulate in the end. Arthur was only briefly hurt that that was his first concern but he understood.

"Dave took him back to the flat, you mum and he are looking after him."

"Throat?"

"The collar did some serious damage to your neck, they had to operate and give you a skin graft to stop it going septic and killing you. It's a bit swollen but it should be fine in a few days." Merlin just nodded, Arthur couldn't take it he was bursting with the need to hold him, kiss him, ask him what had happened, tell him what he had been through, tell him it would be okay, tell him he loved him. But he was just lying there to tiered to react or do anything. He didn't seem to care, his eyes hadn't lit up on seeing him like they used to. They seemed dead, he seemed dead. Arthur tried to say it was just exhaustion, relief but this wasn't his Merlin, this creature was one he knew though.

_He moved around the room in silence doing his chores with a relentless focus, every attempt to talk was ignored or just plain glared at. There were no more come backs, no more comments just everything done as quick as possible and then over and he'd leave. Arthur hated himself for having done that to another person. _

Those memories decided his mind for him.

"I'm just going to go phone and check Benny's alright. Back in a minute." He stood and walked outside and pulled out his phone picking a number from the contacts. "Hi, Doc, I need your help here…"

"Don't worry, Arthur, when I heard I expected you to call me sooner. Him reverting is natural, it's his defence against it, he's got through it before though. He might be able to do so again. At least one can hope for as much. How are you managing?"

"I don't know, I feel like I got him back and had him ripped away all over again."

"He's still Merlin, Arthur, he's still the man you loved."

"Is he though? It's been six months Doc. You didn't see how we found him. I'm even sure he still loves me."

"I'm not a marriage counsellor but I hope you to are okay. I remember when you asked me to be a witness for the civil partnership. God, I've never seen to men trying harder not to make out in front of friends and family."

"He just looked so god damn good in that Tux." Arthur said wistfully.

"Seriously though, your off the sauce?"

"Haven't touched a drop since I heard about Jaspers untimely demise."

"I'm pleased to hear that and I sure everything else is. You're a pitiful drunk."

Merlin was sat up in bed when they walked in.

"Doc!" some small dose of happiness entered his voice that had not been there before. It crushed Arthur's heart that he could not put it there. Had six months really made that much difference?

"Good to see you back with us Merlin. I hate how I only get to spend time with you after these sorts of things happen."

"Thanks for being here, Doc. It feels like old times, back in the routine."

"I'm not sure I liked the routine, I preferred the new one we had going." Merlin just shrugged. "You remember how this goes?"

"I tell you what happened first."

"Right, but we'll take it in bits a pieces and sort things as we go. Lots of ground to cover and I would rather not waste to much more of your life raking over it."

"That's okay. I don't mind telling you." He made a point of the "you" that made Arthur and the Doc uncomfortable.

"Um…well in that case…Arthur could you…um…leave us to it." Arthur edged out and waited down the corridor. He fell sleep in the chair until the Doc sat down next to him. "I'm worried."

"Why, he seemed really co-operative?"

"That's just it. Merlin always hated this before. All that stuff about the old routine. It's like his normal defensive responses are happening but at the same time he's happy to be in a secure environment, it's like he's trying to be in control of his own emotions so hard that they've gone haywire. I don't know what's going on. He told me the whole story like he was taking about a scene from a movie that scared him, upset but nearly as much as he should be or as cold as he normally is."

"So…"

"So I don't know any more than you for now. I'll keep working with him though. I'm going to suggest though that separately you both spend time at the clinic. Your doing well Arthur but I saw your reaction then, your going to need help in order to help Merlin."

"Okay."


	7. realizing

Merlin was recovering, physically and mentally, doc said he was dealing well with the problem; he had got through the happy stage with it and was serious about it. Benny had come in to see him a few times as had everyone else. Even Uther had stopped by. They kept congratulating Arthur and saying how happy he must be but he wasn't Merlin was still distant and cold towards him, every second chipping away at his heart. He stayed though. He wasn't going to leave him, he couldn't. Eventually he would recover, he would wake up and smile at Arthur with his eyes and Arthur would tell him how happy he was to have him back. He never did though…

Doc had noticed. "Arthur, your miserable. Why? He'll be ready to go home in about a week."

"That's what's worrying me. I don't think he'll want to come home."

"Why wouldn't he?"

"Doc, he's still not back. Not for me anyway. I can't even look him in the eyes anymore. So much hatred, he's so cold, I feel like I've done something wrong. All I want to do is tell him how I've missed him but he just looks at me like I'm the odd one out in the room. Everyone else get his beaming smile and I just a glare."

"Have you talked to him about it?"

"I'm scared to, every time we talk he makes it clear he doesn't want to. He actually seems scared of my voice. When I try to touch him he winces and pulls away."

"Come in with us. I'll help you talk it out."

"I don't know doc."

"Arthur, if Merlin's reacting like that it could be important to know why."

"If it's important to Merlin then yes." He followed the Doc in to the hospital room Merlin was reading. He looked up and smiled.

"Hi, Doc!" He put the book down and sat attentively.

"Hey Merlin. I'm concerned by something's and I've been letting them go hoping they would sort them selves out but since they aren't I think the three of us need to have a chat." Merlin visually deflated at the mention of 'the three of us.' "That that's what I want to talk about. I'm confused you seem so pleased to be back among your loved ones except Arthur. You seem very unhappy that he's here." Arthur said nothing and focused all his attention on the floor.

"I just can't, not after every thing. I can't be happy to see him."

"What have I done Merlin?" Arthur cried unable to contain himself.

"You haven't done anything…consciously I know you haven't done anything but…"

"You haven't been telling me everything have you Merlin?" the Doc asked.

"No. I'm sorry, I just want to f…forget."

"You know that's not how it works Merlin."

"Yeah."

"What happened?" Doc's voice was still professional.

"I told you what h did. That was all true, every word of it but there was more, he was him in the good moments, when ever he was tender, it was his voice in the dark in those moments, him whose hand I ate from but when it got nasty, when it was painful. He was Arthur."

"What do you mean he was Arthur?"

"Jasper was a master of impersonations." Arthur answered that one.

"It was Arthur's voice, after a while with the drugs, it was his face too. I hated him but I hated him being Arthur more. I know it wasn't you but I can't just get over all the things you did to me."

"But I didn't do any of it." Arthur cried out the pain. He understood. Jasper even dead had kept his Merlin from him.

"I know." Merlin said cringing from hi shout. He shook with fear.

"Arthur calm down please, this is hard for Merlin. You have to understand…" Arthur couldn't take it anymore.

"Hard for him?! He has his life back. Jasper's taken everything I had. Everything." He turned and ran from the room, he got in his car and drove.

He didn't know were he had planned on going but he had ended up at the apartment he tore inside.

"Arthur! I didn't think you'd be back for a few hours. How's Merlin?" Arthur ignored Gwen on the carpet with Benny and moved quickly through the house to his bedroom. It had been their bedroom but it would never be again. He couldn't force that on him; he couldn't do that to Merlin. He moved to the bedside table and pulled a bottle out the bottom draw. "Arthur?" Gwen looked in to the room to see Arthur empty half the content of the bottle in to his stomach. "Arthur! What are you doing?" He sat on the edge of the bed his shoulders hunched and began to sob.

"He's gone."

"Merlin? Arthur what happened?"

"He's gone." Gwen was shocked, she fled the room and called the hospital but Merlin was fine. The Doc was still there.

"Gwen, is Arthur there?"

"Yes, he's sat in his bedroom drinking, crying and say 'He's gone' a lot"

"Well at least he hasn't done anything drastic."

"Doc this is looking pretty drastic to me. What happened?"

"Merlin wasn't telling me everything, did you notice his distance with Arthur?"

"Yeah, I just assumed they hadn't been able to do anything while he as in hospital and they were feeling awkward. "

"Unfortunately it wasn't that. Jasper his abilities as a mimic to play t being Arthur every time he was cruel to Merlin, I suspect he hoped to turn Merlin against Merlin so he would love him back."

"What do you mean back?"

"Jasper loved Merlin. That's why he hated him being in another relationship so much, that's why he was so determined to claim him. He was desperate for Merlin to feel the same for him and he felt for Merlin. As far as turning him against Arthur, he's succeeded. Merlin can't deal with the real Arthur and the one Jasper created as two separate beings."

"Oh god. Poor Merlin."

"I would think more poor Arthur. He was only just hanging in there before he was found. I just hope this won't finish him."

"What should I do?"

"Just stay there and make sure he doesn't hurt himself or anyone else."

"Where does large amount or drink lie with that?" Arthur was still sipping out the bottle.

"Keep him as sober as you can." The doc hung up and Gwen turned to the task at hand a little afraid.


	8. waking

**Kajos: Sorry for the short chapter but this was all I could manage right now and it seemed a nice place to stop any way. Rather Arthur heavy chapter but oh well. Enjoy. R and R**

* * *

Merlin was curled up on the bed when the doc returned from the phone. "You okay?"

"No. I've just ruined the life of someone I used to love more than anyone."

"Yeah, how do you feel about Arthur now?" He asked sitting down again.

"Every time I look at him, all I can think about is…" The Doc held up a hand to stop him.

"No, I mean when he's not here when you think about just the real Arthur?" Merlin was silent for a few minutes as I thought.

"I love him. I remember what he was like. Laughing, Wednesday nights."

"Well Merlin that must of hurt."

"I feel like I deserve all this for what I just did to him."

"No Merlin, you don't deserve it. If you still love him though, there is hope isn't there? Please give him a chance to show you he isn't the same person you're seeing now." Merlin shook his head.

"I can't."

"Just try Merlin, try for Arthur, for the laughter, for Wednesday nights, for Benny."

Arthur had passed out there was a knock on the door and Gwen opened it.

"Dave." She said with a sigh of relief.

"Yeah, Doc rang me. How is he?"

"Unconscious."

"Thank god. He's horrible in these moods. How are you?"

"Just about hanging together."

"You take the spare room and get some sleep."

"Okay." Arthur was sprawled. Dave quickly removed all the alcohol he could find and put Arthur under the covers. He sat a large glass of water and two paracetamol on the side. Benny was sleeping soundly, Gwen was in the spare bedroom, Doc was keeping an eye on Merlin. He sat down on the couch and relaxed.

Arthur's head felt like it was going to split in two, just like his heart had. He reached for the side of the bed searching for the neck of a bottle. He turned ad looked bleary-eyed wondering where it had gone. Instead his eyes met the disappointing sight of a glass of water and two small white tablets. He groaned and downed both quickly. Dave was here; there was no point in trying to fight him. He got up pulled on a pair of sweats on an ancient jumper of Merlin's before he emerged from the room. Dave was sat playing with Benny; Gwen had gone to work.

"Morning" came the PA's curt greeting. Arthur just nodded. "Arthur, you have to stop doing this. It was fine when it was just you…well it wasn't but we could let it slide but now you have Benny and Merlin to think of, they need you here and sober."

"Yeah right, Merlin doesn't even want me in the same room as him. He'll probably take Benny as soon so he's out of hospital." Dave stood turning away from the toddler cause the young man to wail.

"And you're going to let him? You're not going to fight? Don't you care?"

"Of course I bloody care." Arthur screamed causing Benny to notch up his volume. "I've lost Merlin and I'll lose Benny as well because I can't hold my shit together with out Merlin."

"In that case you have only one option don't you? Get Merlin back." Dave bent down and picked up Benny bouncing him on a hip and carrying him back in to his room.

Arthur stared at the door to the hospital room. Could he go back in there? Could he face that look of hatred? Could he not? Could he just let it go?


	9. cooking

Arthur looked into the room. Merlin was sat on the edge of the bed fully dressed. He was reading a book; it had some long complicated name that Arthur couldn't understand. He looked up and his face was blank.

"Arthur." He said with a voice somewhere between fear, concern and nervousness.

"Merlin." Arthur just about managed to croak. The younger man looked back down at the floor.

"I'm still struggling to deal with this… with us… Arthur. I don't want to lose what we had though. I don't want to lose Benny. I don't know if I'll ever be able to do this but I'm whiling to try."

"And what about me?"

"I said I'd try."

"Yeah you'll try but what happens to me when you've finished trying. What am I supposed to do while your trying, Merlin?"

"I don't know."

"Neither do I." They sat in silence for a long time both thinking about the past and dreading the future. "When are you cleared to come home?"

"Tomorrow. If you'll have me."

"I don't mind as long as you're comfortable." Merlin just nodded and they fell in to a far more comfortable silence than before.

Merlin held Benny close as he crossed the threshold in to the flat. It hadn't changed in some ways he wished it had. That there was some marker in the structure that they weren't going back to how they were before. Arthur carried the small bag Merlin had bought with him in to the bedroom. Merlin didn't know what to do so he simply put Benny down and watched as he toddled off to his bedroom and his toys.

"Make yourself at home. A few things have moved around the cupboards and shelves but otherwise it's not really changed."

"It's been six months Arthur."

"And?"

"Didn't you move anything to make life easier?"

"No, I like the place the way it is. It's how you liked to have things." Merlin shook his head and sat down on the sofa. He looked around and picked up a cushion to find the remote, then looked up. "Arthur, it's even the same TV."

"So, 6 months does not warrant a new TV."

"Arthur, I have to fix the TV every 2 months. It can't still be working."

"Actually Merlin, I have been fixing the TV."

"You learnt to fix the TV?"

"Well…sort of…I knew how to fix it before. In fact I used to break it on purpose." Merlin was confused by this guilty confession.

"Why would you do that?"

"It meant you used to wear your old shorts and T-shirt that are so tight and crawl around behind the TV." Merlin burst out laughing.

"So… you used to break the TV… let me get this right…just so that…I would have to fix it…and you would get the chance to leer at me." Arthur grumbled bright red in the face. "What do you want for dinner?"

"You cook as well?"

"It was 6 months, Merlin. I had to eat and the burnt pasta wasn't going to last forever."

"No I guess not. I half expected you to have moved back in to your fathers place." He had for a while but then his father had just been too much. He hadn't been nearly so useless at first.

"Well, I can do Chilli, curry, burgers, soup, pasta or salad. What do you feel like?"

"Ummm…chilli I guess." He sat and watched the fully functioning TV while Arthur cooked. He was at least comfortable in the same room as him now. The night went quite well. They sat and played with Benny and ate chilli until they had to put Benny to bed. He went quietly and they tucked him in together each giving him a kiss on the forehead. "He'll hardly even remember the whole thing will he?"

"No, he's too young. It'll just be a blur. Lucky little thing."

They returned to the lounge uncertain what to do. They just sat and watched TV on opposite ends of the couch. It got later and later till it reached eleven o'clock.

"Well, I guess we should turn in." Arthur proposed and they both stood up and shuffled towards the bedroom. They stood looking across the expanse of the bed. "How do you what to do this?"

"I have some PJ's lets try this but slowly."

"Okay." They both changed to PJ', Merlin did and Arthur fished out some old boxers and a T-shirt. They each climbed in to there own side of the bed and lay there. Arthur got the light and continued to lie there. Some how the bed was no warmer with both of them than it had been for Arthur on his own.

Arthur was putting on his tie and looked at where Merlin still slumbered. He couldn't help himself he had to reach out and brush the hair off his forehead. The younger man nuzzled the hand and in his sleep reached up and grasped it holding it to him. Arthur smiled as his eyes teared. He wanted nothing more than to sit there until he woke but knew if he woke up he wouldn't be happy. He gently pulled his hand out and quietly padded out the room. He wasn't going to cry this time because now he knew. He knew that Merlin did love him, want him, just not when he was awake.


	10. moving

Merlin was struggling. He tried so hard not to run not to cringe at every look. He tried to be close to him but he still wanted to leave. He still wanted it to be easy again but god it was so hard.

Arthur was struggling. He wanted so much to be closer to him; to sit next to him. To hold him and prove to himself that he was real. He wanted to sleep wrapped up in him. He held himself back to the occasional brush of fingers while passing the remote, touching his body as they walked past each other. But he wanted so much more and knew he had to wait.

It had been three weeks. He needed to talk to Arthur. He needed to be honest. It wasn't getting easier. He was right there on the other end of the sofa as ever they were in silence, a silence that had become routine when Benny wasn't around.

"Arthur. I want to sleep in the spare room." Arthur's every muscle tensed and he said nothing for a long time. Not that he had been chatty before but the lack of response highlighted further his lack of conversation. "Arthur, I want to sleep…"

"I heard you."

"Well are you going to say anything?"

"I already did. I said I was fine with you being back as long as you were comfortable. If sleeping in the spare room will be more comfortable for you, do it."

"It would make me more comfortable."

"There's your answer then." Arthur continued to focus his attention solely on the television as Merlin stood and walked to Arthur's bedroom and collected his things and moved in to the spare room. It was clean and tidy and didn't have Arthur's things in it, his cuff links on the side, his reading book upside down on the bedside table, the smell of him on the sheets. The things Merlin would miss but it was also empty. It didn't have his breathing, his presence: it didn't have Arthur. It was weird; he needed Arthur there. It was comforting knowing he was there, seeing his things but at the same time he terrified him, made him want to scream and run and hide and cry and beg for it all to stop, beg for himself to pass out, beg to have something wipe him clean and take way all the remembered pain but nothing ever would.

Arthur just stared at the screen, the images didn't make sense any more and he really didn't care. He had lost more of Merlin in the last three weeks, in little bits than he had ever lost when he was taken. He had lost his embrace, his smell, and his warmth at night, his laughter, his smile, his shining eyes, his touch, his walk and his happiness. He tried with all his might not to push him away but he could only do… give so much. Now he was moving in to the spare room. He wanted to scream, to fall on his knees and let the sobs in his gut rack his body but he couldn't some how nothing came. His wasn't dead inside; inside he was burning into oblivion. Outside though he just did nothing just kept watching that screen. His eyes didn't water, his shoulders didn't shake, his throat wasn't dry, and why couldn't he react? Because this wasn't new, he had known this was coming, he had been holding on to a shred of hope for so long he felt like the cartoon that's run of the cliff and just hasn't noticed it yet and any second it was just waiting to hit him and for him to fall to his death.

"Arthur, move out. You're getting worse by the day. Come on, drinking I could deal with, drinking was fine but this? It's like a slow suicide. Every day you come to work more zombified than the last. You work like clockwork, you do everything but that's it. That's where Arthur ceases to exist. There is nothing but work."

"So what, I get the job done what else matters?"

"If I were doc I would say you were suppressing your emotions but I'm not so I'll just say this. You are not Arthur because your not letting yourself be Arthur. I would rather you got nothing done and cared than this."

"Well, Dave, I don't think my father would agree and I'd rather not force him to sack me when I have a spouse and child to think of."

"That's it! Arthur would not talk about Merlin and Benny like that. God has no one ever told you that sometimes staying together for the kid is the worse thing you could possibly do?"

"Benny needs his parents."

"No Benny needs two stable fathers who can emote. He's more likely to get that if you move out and visit instead."

"You want me to just give up?" His voice was still calm and cold.

"You've nothing left to give up Arthur. It died before you could." Dave turned and left his office, leaving behind a whole pile of shit for Arthur to think on.

Six o'clock…Arthur should be home by now. Where was he? Thought Merlin as he gave Benny his super. He had to check. He picked up the phone and dialled the number from memory.

"Yes?"

"Arthur, where are you?" Merlin asked the phone.

"I decided to go to my fathers town house for the night. I think we both know you need more space, so I'm giving you it. Tell Benny I love him and I'll see him at the week end." He hung up.


	11. visiting

Merlin stared at the phone completely lost. Arthur was leaving. He wasn't coming back till the weekend. He quickly went in to Arthur's bedroom. He had packed a bag. Things were missing but Merlin hadn't noticed. How had he not noticed?

"You were too busy wallowing in your own misery to notice. Come on Merlin, you told Doc you would try for Arthur but you haven't really have you? And now you're talking to yourself." He sat on the edge of the bed.

Benny ran in to the room.

"When's daddy coming home?" Panic swelled through Merlin. What was he supposed to say? Wait, Arthur had said something about that!

"Daddy is staying with gramps for a bit. He said he loves you and he'll see you at the weekend. That's just two days from now." He picked up Benny and cuddled him. "He'll be back then." He had said he would be there at the weekend. Two days…he could last that long.

Doc came storming through the door and froze. Arthur was sat laughing on the sofa. The TV was showing some old rerun of MASH. It wasn't that funny but there was Dave and Arthur laughing their heads off and gripping their sides with laughter.

"Arthur, I just rushed over here after I got a panic call from Merlin who is killing himself with worry over you."

"Sure…Doc. I'll ring him later. Oh, wait forgot, he hates my voice. I'll send him a letter." The Doc was confused. Arthur had walked out on Merlin. He had expected to find an emotional wreck; instead Arthur seemed better than he had been in weeks. He was laughing, he was comfortable with Merlin's reaction to him. He seemed happy. Merlin had said he was going to visit tomorrow. "Hey you want to watch? It's the episode were the helicopter captain is trying to kill Henry. Dave here does a great voice over."

There was a nock at the door, Merlin was on his feet in seconds opening it.

"Arthur!" There he was in jeans and a t-shirt. Merlin looked down. No bag with him, he wasn't staying.

"Merlin, you look well. How's Benny doing?"

"Daddy!" Benny ran in to his second father who scooped him up flying him around before dropping him to rest on his hip.

"He's fine. He's been missing you."

"How come you and daddy don't love each other any more?" Both men froze at this intrusive and very perceptive question from the three year old.

"Well…Benny…" Merlin looked at Arthur for help an he just shrugged his shoulders.

"Me and Daddy just need some space from each other. Like when you don't want to go to bed and you tell us to go away. Well, at the moment we don't like each other but we both still love you, which is why I came round just to see you. I thought we could go to the park for a bit."

"Yay!" Squealed the boy as Merlin gave him the thumbs up. Arthur leaned forward before catching himself and drawing back from kissing the man on the check before leaving.

"I'll bring him back later." He turned and walked away.

"Don't let him have too much junk!" Merlin shouted after.

Damn it he had mucked that up. Why didn't he talk to Arthur, really talk to him? He should have said something. Then again what was there to say? He had no idea what he wanted anymore. He wanted Arthur there, he loved him but he didn't want to be with Arthur the way Arthur needed him. Arthur deserved someone real who could give as well as take and Merlin knew he couldn't be that person, not any more. He thought about him just then at the door. He hadn't been scared of him, just of losing him. Of him never coming back. Of him not wanting to come back. He wasn't scared of him though.

Benny had a great day and so did Arthur; he had missed the child. He was so easily pleased, so happy. It was getting late though. Benny was tired and would soon begin to get cranky. They returned though in good spirits. Arthur unlocked the door with out thinking and carried the tired toddler straight to his bed and tucked him in before turning to see Merlin in the door way.

"Sorry, he was sleepy, I just brought him in with out thinking."

"It's your flat."

"No, I left, it's yours for now." Merlin just shook his head at his nobility.

"It's still yours, please come back?"

"Merlin, I'm not doing this to make you feel guilty, I've just excepted it. Me here is not what you need to recover. We spent weeks just sat watching TV in silence."

"You're right, Arthur, but I have recovered. I'm not scared anymore."

"Sure…you say that and I try to touch you and you run a mile. I don't…I can't do this Merlin."

"I mean it Arthur. I want you to come back. I'm not scared Arthur."

"Merlin! Just stop! Please. I know you think you mean it but I can't live with another loss. Not now…I'm happy. You should be to. I'll see you next weekend."


	12. remembering

Merlin rolled over and started in disbelief at the alarm clock as his drowsy brain tried to process why anyone would be calling at 2 in the morning. Eventually the answering machine picked up.

"Fuck it" muttered Merlin rolling back over and listening to the machine take the message.

"Merlin, it's Jake. Obviously the phone didn't wake you up but just in case it did and you're listening to this, please pick up we need to talk. It's about Arthur he's here at the club." Merlin picked up.

"What's up Jake?"

"I knew you couldn't sleep through the phone ringing."

"Jake, please it's 2 in the morning. Spit it out before I fall back asleep."

"Look, Arthur came in at like 10. At first he was just having a few drinks and talking with people then he started flirting."

"With you?"

"No with the slut brigade we get in here most nights. A whole load of women who like to play the field and whose main claim to fame is that they sleeps with someone different every night."

"What? You sure? Why would he flirt with girls?"

"Merlin, you forget. Arthur is Bi remember. It just has really been obvious because until tonight I would have said he had eyes only for you. Look could you get down here. I'm worried about him. I mean his choice and all that but only god know where those girls have been and what they could have and their type are not above drugging a guy."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, Merlin I wouldn't ring you over wise. Really it's Arthur choice what he does and this is the sort of thing I would normally say he should tell you about himself but he's in danger ad I can't help him. Legally I have no leg to stand on I can't ask them to leave and he's not showing any sign of unwillingness."

"What can I do then?"

"He's your husband. Come in here and claim him and those girls will most likely run for the hills."

"Look, Jake I'll be there I possible but I have Benny and I can't just leave him here on his own."

"Bring him with you. Come in the back way. Eric's not working tonight. I'm sure he won't mind keeping an eye on the sprog." Merlin nodded and then realised the gesture couldn't be seen down the phone line and stumbled out and yes before hanging up.

The club was busy. The 24 hours drinking license Jake had got was eminent in the number of people still there at 3. People were leaving though. Arthur came through the door behind the door when the volume of the music struck him. Jake looked up from serving and threw him a relieved look. Merlin went to approach but he just nodded at the corner of the large room where there was a sofa arrangement.

Arthur was sat with three girls one on his lap and one each side. They were all over him and His was all over them. Merlin was horrified at the girl on his lap, who he was kissing; she was fidgeting and rubbing against him constantly as their tongue explored each other. Merlin didn't move. Jake came up to him.

"I think she gave him something. You know Arthur, he's not into all that." He wasn't or was he? Arthur hadn't been drugged when he came here, when he started flirting, who was to say he was drugged now. What right did Merlin have to stop him having a little fun? He wasn't getting any with Merlin. _You have the right of the ring on you finger. That's your husband. _Who had walked out on him three weeks ago and only seen him since when he came regularly on Wednesday and weekends to take Benny out. Who ignored every attempt Merlin made to convince him to come back? He needed help. He needed Arthur to tell him what he wanted, but he couldn't trust anything Arthur didn't. Even if he wasn't drugged, he was drunk. He had his pissed smile on. That lopsided toothy grin what said he wasn't quite with it.

_**Why not? Like he said, it would be fun. And he was so cute. He just imagine the body under those clothes. God he was so hard it hurt. **__Merlin staggered with the boy through a door at the side of the club. It seemed so right, there didn't seem to be a down side. Jasper loved him, why shouldn't they sleep together. It wasn't like anyone else in this place would even look at him. Just because he was young didn't mean he couldn't do things._

_Jasper was pulling at his belt and Merlin's fingers got muddled as he tried to help him with it. They both laughed at how it was thwarting them. Finally Jasper pulled a Knife and cut it. Merlin gasped at it. Jasper touched his cheek with the cold metal and Merlin just smiled and kissed his their lips locking for a long moment before they pulled back. Jasper slipped the knife down his front ad slit through the denim. The knife was so close but Merlin didn't care. He was going to do this. He was going to show Jake, he wasn't the only one who could have fun._

_Jasper had exposed himself and rubbed them both together. Merlin screech. It hurt. Jasper grasped him squeezing too hard so Merlin yelp. Jasper muffled the sound with a kiss this time fierce. Then he let go and took a step back Merlin's head was too murky to react fast enough as Jasper grabbed him and threw him face first to the floor._

_"I love you Merlin." He murmured in to his ear before he thrust in with out any preparation a hand covering Merlin's mouth._

Merlin snapped back with a jump as Jake touched him on the shoulder.

"Woah, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm going to go get Arthur." _He is not going through that. Never._


	13. saving

Merlin stormed through the bar, throwing people out the way in his hast to reach Arthur. He was past the dance floor to the seated area before any of them saw him coming. The girls just looked around to see whom he was heading for while Arthur was oblivious. He approached them.

"Excuse me but would you move." The girl on Arthur's lap laughed

"There are other perfectly good seats right here. You can join us if you want. Anyway, I'm not sure my friend here is up to much moving." She turned Arthur's face to hers and kissed him again. "He's gone all wobbly." Merlin grabbed her shoulder pulling her back to face him.

"I didn't mean off the seat." He punched full out in the face. "I meant off my husband." The other two girls were too shocked to move. Arthur's eyes were barley in focus. Merlin checked his vitals, he had no idea what this was, but it was slowing Arthur down and making him very suggestible. "What did she give him?" He asked the two girls. On receiving no reply he grabbed the nearest one "What the fuck did she give him!" He shouted at her.

"I don't know I swear! She just said it would make him funner."

"Great, you really are as stupid as you look and FYI 'funner' not a word." He turned back to Arthur hoisting him up to his feet. The larger mans weight half on him he dragged him towards the bar leaving the unconscious skank to the tender hands of her friends. As he approached Jake lifted the bar and ushered him through to the back. Behind the bar Jake kept a series of rooms for bands and drunks who needed to relax, crash or just be kept out of the main bar room till they had cooled off. It was one of the reasons his bar had such a good name. Drunk relatives were never found in need of collection at the bar having more drinks, instead they were normally found asleep in an armchair and Eric was on hand to help you get them in the car. They didn't encourage drunks either and tried to not serve people who were clearly going over the top. Behind these rooms were the stairs leading up to Eric and Jake's attic apartment. The whole thing was well sound proofed from the racket down below. Eric was quietly watching TV when Merlin entered with Arthur.

"Hey, you got him out! Brilliant, Benny's asleep on the bed. Poor things exhausted. Ran around for a few minutes then conked out."

"Thanks Eric, I'm sorry we're invading your house like this."

"Not a problem." Merlin dropped Arthur on to the couch.

"'s cold." He murmured rolling in to a ball.

"Eric, what do you know about the effects of drugs on the system?"

"Plenty, we call in any users we see. Or tell who ever is with them."

"Right, what would you call this, he's cold, very pliant and completely unable to move on his own."

"Dangerous. That's sounds like the kind of stuff that shuts you down. Permanently."

"Arthur? Do you know who I am?" Merlin tried.

"'you's the angry one. You's hit a girl. You's not supposed to hit girls."

"In so many senses of the phrase. Arthur, please can you tell me how many fingers you see?"

"Lots of fingers. God so many fingers." Arthur replied starting to sound more awake.

"Yes, thank god!" Eric looks down at his face.

"Don't get too excited I think this might just be phase too. Someone gave him a proper cocktail." Merlin looked up.

"Why you think that?" Eric nodded to Arthur's member that was fully erect and as Arthur squirmed rubbing against his trousers.

"That isn't a natural response."

"We need help, can you call an ambulance?"

"Right on it. Then I'll ring down and tell Jake what's happening." Merlin sat with Arthur as he became more consumed by the drug groaning and trying to stimulate himself. He began to cry. "Don't worry Merlin, at least you saved him. Think about it if you weren't here he would be doing that with those three girls."

_NO!_ Merlin's brain cried. He wasn't going to let anyone hurt Arthur like that. It was what had pulled them to pieces and he was not going to let to pull Arthur apart all together. The Ambulance arrived and Merlin went with Arthur leaving Benny with Eric and Jake for the evening on the basis he would ring his mum and get her to pick him up in the morning. Arthur didn't quiet down in the Ambulance, if anything it got worse as he became more desperate to relieve himself.

God…how had Arthur ever done this. Sat and waited to see if he would be all right. He wanted to be there to see him to make sure he was all right, to know who the fuck he had to kill for this was no help. When he wasn't thinking of Arthur he was thinking for tracking down the skank and killing her slowly and painfully in so many different ways. He had been told that Arthur's system had gone haywire; they had him on a drip to slow the issues while they pumped his stomach in hopes of working out what it was. Merlin though was just left to wait in this ghastly pale room that smelt of disinfectant while he waited to find out what would happen to his partner.


	14. lovingEpilogue

Dear lord, Arthur couldn't even imagine what he must have drunk to have a hang over this bad. Everything hurt and one thing in particular was especially painful. God what had he done! If Merlin found out that was it. How could have been so stupid? He was married for god's sake!

What if he'd got something, shit he would have to get himself tested, just in case Merlin didn't find out and he ever was with him again he didn't want to give him AIDs. The room smelt weir and some one was gripping his hand so hard it hurt even more. He slowly cracked open his eyes. It was a hospital room. SHIT! He really needed to know what had happened. E could remember going out to Jakes club, there ad been some girls and he though he might just flirt a bit, then Jake could tell Merlin and he would feel better.

He lifted his head with amazing effort and looked around the room was private and empty except for Merlin sat asleep in the char next to the bed with his death grip on Arthur's hand. He would already know…it was over…really over. Except that he was here and the way he was holding his hand didn't seem like a man who abhorred him. Then he remembered in the bedroom that morning, prying open Merlin's fingers that had sought him out in sleep. This was probably the same thing he pulled away with his hand and watched as Merlin awoke cringing at what was to come.

"Morning." Came his first drowsy words. Arthur said nothing. "You okay?"

"Headache."

"Hmmm, good you deserve it." The words were said with far less malice than Arthur expected.

"Why are you here?"

"To save you, you twat. Someone slipped you something at the club. Luckily Jake called me in and I punched them for you before you got date rapped." His voice tensed and cracked at the end. Arthur nuzzled the hand he still had in thanks; he knew how Merlin felt about that sort of thing.

"Thank you, my knight in shining armour." A small smile swirled on to Merlin's face. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gone to the club."

"Don't worry, you needed comfort and I was being useless or you."

"Your still my partner. You didn't deserve that."

"No, but you didn't deserve my moving out the bedroom so lets just say we're even." They both smiled. Arthur kissed the hand he had.

"Are you feeling more…" He queried hesitantly.

"Yeah, well, I've decided I want to jump your bones just to prove there's really no point in you looking for anyone else, that way you might not get any more drinks spiked by slags." A doctor entered the room.

"Good to see you up. How are you feeling?"

The flat was quite as Benny was spending the night with Dave. He had been passed around a lot the last week but he didn't mind. He would be back tomorrow but for that night they needed some time to them selves. They sat on the sofa and turned on the T, huddled up in each other's warmth smiles glued to their faces. Merlin turned to Arthur feeling safe at last in his arms and kissed him. His husband kissed back and they both grinned even wider as their hands began to explore each other's body in longer than ever could remember. They took it slowly, leisurely. Shirts disappeared as they slowly became more adventurous. Still gently kissing, no hurry, just a celebration of reminding each other of their love. Arthur caught Merlin's hand and brought it to his face.

"Do you remember the day I put that ring on your finger?"

"Uh huh, I adored you that day and you said 'I never thought I'd end up a monogamist but here we are.'"

"Do you remember what else I said?" Merlin shook his head and Arthur kissed his palm before carrying on. "Thank you Merlin, you made me more than I was, my salvation." Merlin just smiled.

"My savour." They kissed gently at first before it became more passionate and Arthur wrapped the smaller man in his arms and carried his back to their bedroom.

Merlin yelped as something hit the bed jerking him out of his slumber. Behind him Arthur also woke pulling Merlin tight against him protectively. Feeling of him there instantly distracted Merlin. _Home at last. _When he refocused on their wake up call he saw Benny giggling in front of him.

"I made daddy jump." Arthur kissed Merlin's shoulder loosening his arms a little but not letting go.

"You did didn't you?" said Merlin smiling at his son. Benny looked at them both.

"Do you love each other again?" Merlin pulled him too him in a tight hug.

"We never stopped loving each other, Benny?"

"We just forgot how to tell each other for a while." Arthur added.

"Well that's silly." Arthur laughed.

"Yes it is rather."

"I hope I'm not intruding, but he was in here before I could stop him." Dave was stood in the doorway.

"It's fine Dave thanks for having him for the night."

"He's easier to baby-sit than Arthur ever was." Arthur blush bright red and Merlin chuckled. "I see you two have got your act together at last."

"Yeah."

"You want me to take Benny to the park for a bit?"

"That would be great!" Arthur replied before Merlin could refuse. "Benny, you want to go to the park with uncle Dave this morning?"

"YEAH!" He squealed and shot out the room.

They lay there comfortably until they heard the door close behind them.

"Why did you want to get rid of Benny?" Merlin asked suspiciously.

"Oh, you don't think I'm done with you yet do you?" His hand crept down from his waist to grasp his member. Merlin groaned loudly.

"Benny will enjoy the park we can see him later." Merlin mumbled.

"I thought you might come around to my side of things." Arthur murmured in his ear as he began to draw swear words from his lover.

_**Kajos: That's all folks, the end happy for now and probably ever. Hope you enjoyed, I have enjoyed writing it but now I must move on to a new project. **_


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